Jehovah’s Witness Coed Cheats On Exam, Pastafarian Professor Forgives Her

It’s difficult to cheat on an open-book multiple choice test.  But yesterday an online student accidentally emailed me prima facia evidence of just such a snafu, prompting the following conversational thread.

INSTRUCTOR: Please tell me how you happen to be in possession of the Instructor’s Test Bank with all the test questions and correct answers?

STUDENT: What’s the Instructor’s Test Bank???

INSTRUCTOR: Open your last journal submission and look at what you sent me. You included the Instructor’s Test Bank questions for Ch. 13 along with your journal paragraph. To have the answers to the test is cheating.

STUDENT: Oh my goodness!!! Wow! …. I guess any apologies now should not even be taken into consideration or accepted. I take all of the blame. If you fail me then that would be okay, or should I withdraw from the class? I guess I just wanted to get my courses over with; I was hurrying so much that night to get my work done that I decided to search the answers up, because I’m always in a rush. That is no way for me to act in such a way. That shows so much disrespect to your teaching on my part, and I apologize dearly. Please do not accept my apology, I do not deserve it. I should be ashamed of myself. Thank you for pointing out what I had done. I don’t deserve the grade I have now. I don’t even know what to do now…. I considered myself as one of Jehovah’s Witnesses, and yet I lie and cheat behind someones back… I have put a serious and bad reputation on God’s name. I don’t think I can ever live this down… I have no excuses…. I truly am sorry professor.

What did I do?  Well, I ain’t watched all those cop shows for nothin’.  I flipped her, got her to name names, rat out her sources.

INSTRUCTOR:  Thank you for accepting responsibility. Before I decide what to do, please help me understand something… Is it possible to google online somehow and find those answers? Is there a particular site that sells them, perhaps?

STUDENT:  Yes! I usually refer to the text book when I’m stuck on something, but once in a while I will google the question. But I rarely ever get an answer. For some reason, when I googled a question for this quiz, it came up as a word documented link and had almost all of the answers on the quiz.

I have sent an attachment of a jpeg image of where I found the answers. Here is the link…

The website underneath the highlighted one, called quizlet, is also a good source for students to get answers! Not sure how much is on that site, but that is one I would definitely check out as well.

I’m so very sorry professor!!

INSTRUCTOR:  Okay, thanks. I am only going to give you a zero for that one test, so it won’t affect your overall grade too much, particularly if you do well on the final essay.

STUDENT:  Again, I am sorry professor, but I am glad that it happened. I guess my conscience became nulled when it came to cheating on the quizzes. Perhaps this would reawaken my conscience. I am very sorry.

Thank you so much for being merciful!

Should I tell her that I forgave her in the name of the Flying Spaghetti Monster?


;) ;) ;)